| maybe |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|09:48 am] |
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... I am doing better than I'd like to think at times. After just re-discovering that this livejournal is still here and I could still log into it, I read back. I guess I was a pretty emo kid a couple years ago. I guess that was before emo was cool, so once again I was ahead of the pack and didn't even know it. Things are decent right now. I suppose. Living with Erin has turned out to be a day and night sort of deal. Her moods and mannerisms are sometimes just too much to handle. I could totally see myself living in that apartment all on my own if I could affor it. Keep my room right where it is and turn hers into a studio and then finally I could get back into being creative. It's depressing to realize how much I am helping her and how much I love her, my little sister and my niece and to know that she can never understand it. It's like she has no feelings at times. She doesn't talk she doesn't care, she doesn't thank me for the things I do. And it's not like I need the recognition, but a little something would be nice. This isn't just sisters fighting here..... this is she doesn't know how to communicate. When she asks me on how to interact with her boyfriend, or what she should say to my parents.... I just .. I don't know. I just turned 23 four days ago. I haven't accomplished much in my life. I quit school after two years of college at Eastern. I moved here at the end of September 05. I lived in my parents basement until about two and a half months ago. I didn't have a car for most of last winter. I can't keep boys around long enough. I drink more than I ever thought I would, but it's not to "get away" it's because I enjoy it. Maybe I'm a screwed up adult from a weird childhood. Maybe I still have daddy issues. Maybe I just make shit up so I have something to do while I am at work. Who knows. This is interesting. I guess I'll keep going. |
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| bad news kiddies |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|11:23 pm] |
Allright. Here's the big long explaination of life right now for Korpi.
I'm gone. No longer living in Spokane. Shit went crazy, I went crazy, I tried to pretend like nothing was happening when it was. I got kicked out and currently I am living with my family in Great Falls, MT. It's bad and it's a bad beginning to a long winter, and I hate winter to beging with. But I think this year I am going to start hating fall. Because I fucked this up and now I am paying for it. I probably still will be going crazy. I don't know. I will figure it out. For anyone who still reads this.... this is for you. So you know. Maybe it's just so I can drive it into my head some more that I won't be back for a while. I miss it already and who would have every thought that someone could miss Spokane? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|03:17 pm] |
I think I am going crazy.
I need a second job.
I just want to sleep a lot these days and listen to music
yeah music.
Warped tour was good. I went with Raner and Clayton.
I got to see Ronnie and watch bands from stage w/ my VIP pass.
I was hot shit.
Later. |
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| i let myself get hurt again |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|11:29 am] |
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Last night made me realize that I am still sort of the same person that I was in high school. I still put too much emphasis on things that shouldn't be emphasized and dwell on little things that don't even matter to other people. I fooled myself into thinking that because the situation with a certain person was different this time around that everything would be ok. Well I was wrong and he got the wrong idea and now it's all fucked up. Chalk it up to miscommunication once again, but still I can't count the number of people who would like to tell me "I told you so." I guess I just thought that fr some reason he meant most of the things that he was saying to me. Now the major problem is going to be talking to him when we aren't intoxicated and getting him to tell me what he really meant and what he lied to me about. I have to know because it's going to make my decision as to whether or not I need to leave. I feel like I need to leave. I feel like going by myself to Kalispell for the 4th and maybe never coming back to Spokane. I could sell everything I own (which isn't much) and just up and go to Virginia and live with Jessica until I get a job and make enough money to get my own studio apartment somewhere. Like in Richmond or Virginia Beach or something. That'll solve my problems, yeah, running away. I am so grown up. So mature in my train of thought it amazes me. I have to go clean now and try to not think about how much all of this is going to hurt when push comes to shove. |
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| And then things change |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
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I won't even try to tell everyone about the last couple months. There's too much going on to even document it all and some of it I don't want down in words because I don't know yet if I want to remember it all. The last week's been insane. Too much drama. That's all that I have to say. I keep thinking that my life is going in one direction and then all of a sudden I am thrown the other way like I'm just caught in the middle of the storm and there's nothing that I can do about it. I wish that I knew part of things that were going to happen. I mean just give me a clue as to what the recent future holds and then I know that everything will be ok. I am in the process of finding a second job, still. So far I haven't had the best of luck and that blows but I am sure that if I work hard enough that I can pull myself up out of this damn hole. Last night I went to Shadle graduation with Phil and his mom so we could watch his brother, Kyle walk and then I got to see all the homies. Stephanie, Brittney, Baker, and Tom. (and everyone else too) I ended up seeing a lot of people that I had been at Shadle with too. Wasn't too sure if I liked that or not, but it was ok it wasn't like we were kickin it. I'm kind of sad that things with my friends aren't the way that they should be. I am still making progress with the whole talking to Bailey thing and I won't write too much about it on here just because. But I just want to be on speaking terms and fix things as best we can. I got my grant for school in the fall so I am set with a starting point on the money situation, which is good and that's going to be what kicks me into high gear to go back. The other night before we went to GF MT for graduation, it was amazing what happened. Me and Krystal and Carly and Joanna were all kicking it at my place. It was like old times all over again. The spodie the other night was cool too. Over at Eric Swansons and then moving it to my house after a while. Although I don't really remember much of what went down once we got back to my house it was nonetheless a good night. Good times. I am looking forward to this summer. For the lake, for the concerts, for the new job, for the good times, for the drinking massive quantities for fun (not too much though) and for my friends to be there with me. Hit me up sometime kids who read this. Call my cell or come visit my house. Later everyone. Live every day to the fullest. Don't be afraid of the future. |
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| Today is the day |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|01:26 pm] |
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I like my life a lot. I like my house and my roommate Phil and how we drink a lot and how we had a party last night and the police came and then we still continued the party. We are hardcore. We are stupid and we lead silly lives for the most part. Clayton came over and smoked with me and it was crazy. Fun times. Please everyone on here call me and come visit. I love you all. |
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| I hate my life. No not really I am just fucking with you. |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|01:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | stevie ray vaughn | ] |
So.
My life is actually pretty fucking good right now. I like my house and I like my roommates and life is fun. There are some things that are kind of stupid, like the big dumb party that we had on Friday which got me my debit card, military ID, and book of 24 of my favorite original cds stolen. I also had a fight with my kitchen wall (in two places) that left me with a fucked up right hand. It looks pretty hot right now all bruised and shit. I am so dumb. I seriously sometimes wish I didn't do dumb shit right now. There is so much going on that I can't even mention it all right now just because I don't have the 5.5 hours to detail all of the crazy things that have been going on. I have two jobs now. I kind of sucked it up and went and got hired at McD's which sucks but who cares because it pays the fucking bills and leaves me with enough money for food and beer among other things. I am having such a good time with everything even when I have been pissed off and hurt and sad it's still good to be having a good time. I keep worrying about how things are changing though. Changing with me and Bailey and how she's not wanting to really come around for her own personal reasons, which I completely respect, but I don't know it still kind of bothers me that I am between people. Tony and Nick are in town till the 20th and they wouldn't come see my house last night and that kind pissed me off too because I am over it all. I am twenty fucking years old and that shit was all high school. I am over it all. I mean look at me. Just don't be a dick to me when I want to show you something that I am really excited about. Speaking of excited. My family is coming to see me. I miss them. I love them. And I want to see the baby!!! Little Maddie-pants. My niece! I am also excited for my mother to bring the extra set of dishes so we don't have to keep washing the same three bowls, plates and cups every time that we use them. I am really having a good time with everything, being poor, being hungry sometimes, chilling in my own house doing whatever I want. I wish that everyone's life could be going as good as mine seems to be going right now. If some things became clearer to me then this could be the only time that I can remember feeling so at ease with myself and with all the things going on around me. I wish you all the best, and keep in touch please because I can't get online very often until I make some more money. Give me a call. Come by and visit (bring beer!:)
Live every day to the fullest. |
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| my life still kinda sucks ass a little now and then |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|05:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | secret machines | ] |
So, like my last thing said we got the house and so we actually started moving in on Saturday night after handing the dude a hefty chunck of money and then having a few celebratory beers. It kinda feels like it isn't even real because I've stayed there for two nights now and I just keep going... this is my house. I live here. Look, we have a bathroom, look the kitchen is ugly ass yellow and the whole places smells a little like chemicals and mold.
I talked to Tony the other day and I guess he has a girlfriend? I kinda think that's fucked up and because he said that "he couldn't and wouldn't" want to be with anyone but I guess that people priorities change and apparently he just quit loving me or something like that within the few months that he's been gone. If this would have happened a few months ago I would have really been upset, but now I am like fuck it. I am twenty years old. I can find better guys than that guy from high school who ruined my outlook on the way that things should be. I think it's good that I am living with Phil and Caryn because they are cool and chill and don't worry about bullshit and don't deal with it either.
Tonight she's having some dude come over and chill and I think we're having beers or whatever I don't know. I got a lot to do tomorrow and so I got to make a plan.
Oh and by the way, since I don't have enough money to have internet I may not be on here as regularly as before, now that I have to come to my library and be one of those freaks that I always think are creepy. Or go to a good buddies house and spend an hour or so of their internet time.
All I really know is that there's so much going on and I need to find another job soon because I need more money to live because we don't have that much food. Ha. Life has finally come to give me one last swift kick in the ass.
So give me a call if I am not on here a lot... ya'll can come see my new place. |
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| we got the house we got the house we got the house!!!!!! |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|10:53 am] |
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We got the house on Cedar! Phil told me last night and I am super excited.
We go to sign papers tonight after work (7pm) and then I think we could move in as soon as maybe tomorrow or perhaps Monday? I will have to detail things more from the last few days when I have some more time. I gots to get ready for work and think about this house!!!! Yeah!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|10:34 am] |
I got another job. I am a typer/filer/phone answerer for this paralegal lady out in Mead. Kind of random I guess, but who cares. It's a job. I go there in an hour and I work till 4.30pm then I go straight from there to the library from 5 to 9. Good. It's good to have two jobs.
Bailey gave me a Hastings card for Valentine's day so Phil O and I went shopping there last night. He bought like the whole Incubus collection used and a new cd case and I bought Strata and rented two movies. We spent the longest time looking through everything before I decided, and I'd never even listened to Strata before but I guess I like it. It's the second cd I've purchased that I hadn't heard. I kind of talked to Dan G a little too even though I didn't really want to.
I guess the whole deal with Dan is that I thought that we were friends. I mean we hung out all the time during summer and even a little ways into the school year and I thought we were close enough that we'd be chill no matter if he got a new girl or I saw someone or we both were busy as hell. I guess I was wrong or he's confused or something because ever since Hallowee/My birthday him and the rest of them haven't been around much. even though he came over w/ Abbey on New Year's, it's like he was just laughing at me the whole time because I was so faded. There's been too many strange nights/mornings due to drinking that have led to this I think. Or they all just hate me. But last night he was all telling me random shit like "phil's got a girlfriend in AZ" and I was like ok. Then he told me he was going to Seattle to see the Used and I said so was I. He seemed surprised. The he told me about the Killers show, which I already knew about, so I don't know it's like he wanted to talk to me but was at work and afraid to. I'm just said we're not hanging out anymore.
So yeah. I gotta go and finish cleaning up and go to work(s?) |
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| I just don't believe in some things anymore. |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|11:56 am] |
Last night I listened to a mix cd that Dan Suess made for me a couple years ago. It was strange to hear the songs because I hadn't in a while and I just laid there and tried to fall asleep but I was just thinking too much.
The Anti-Valentine's Day party actually turned out to be a lot of fun. A bunch of people ended up showing up, so it wasn't just me, Phil, Bay, Eric and Nick chillin and drinking. Steph and Tom came over and Nathan, Matt, Ben, Jason and a few other people were there. I had a good time and drank lots of beer (good beer by the way) and no one was mad. I am glad for that. I even talked to Dave a little before everyone left and I think that for now things are straightened out. Or at least I hope so.
Watched Desperate Housewives and the Grammy's last night - superfun when you have nothing else to do (just in case you didn't already know that) I was really glad that Greenday won one. I think they deserve it.
Getting excited for the trip to GF at the end of the month, looking forward to pay day to increase my financial cushion..... and that's about it. |
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| text entry review financial fun drunken anti liquor beer jokes boys |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|11:00 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the secret machines | ] |
I woke up after the strangest dream ever and realized that it was 9am and I had to take Bailey some Starbucks because working at 6am really sucks sometimes.
My dream involved driving with my father along some train tracks and talking about driving on them and the cars that have the rail wheels and all that weird stuff. I think we must have been in a combination of Whitefish, MT and Sandpoint, ID. This only makes sense because the towns are both little and cute with the right downtown atmosphere and they have trains there. We then were at the mall and ran into a bunch of people we knew and my dad told me that big hoop earrings were for sluts and I shouldn't wear them. He was buying things for me and sisters from a store like Zumiez, but it wasn't Zumiez. He was holding Madison and her hair was a lot longer and she could say things like "rachie" and "books" and "grampa". I had to climb up through this thing to get out of the store and to the street level where I was supposed to meet my sister Jean and go to this coffee shop, but it was Sunday and this particular Main St. coffee shop was closed. We ran (literally) up the block and asked a boy where an open shop was he directed us three blocks south to a huge, dark shop with lots of huge works of art on the walls and odd ceramic tiles on the floor with all kinds of random designs on them.
I need to take a shower and listen to loud music while I do so, or I will never feel fully awake although my coffee (Venti triple white chocolate mocha) is starting to help. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|10:42 am] |
I bought The Secret Machines CD last night. When I was looking for something to buy I saw it but I hadn't even heard anything by them, or so I thought, but I really had. It's a good CD. I like it better than the Bright Eyes CD I bought a couple days ago. I'm going to get rid of that one. I just don't like it much and still need some cash that I can spend. I have plenty of "cushion" money from my father but that doesn't get to get spent. That's for rent/gas.
I saw Dan when I went into Hastings to get that CD, but I acted like I didn't which was kinda gay, but oh well. I think he did the same thing. I'm just bothered that we haven't talked, save the other night, since New Year's and he pretty much had that whole "you're stupid" look on his face for the 30 min. that him and Abbey were here. I thought we were better friends, but I guess I was wrong about that like I've been wrong about so many other 'friends'.
I have that interview for the Nanny job I applied for in November on Monday. I really hope that it works out because the pay will be good and it's close and even though sometimes I hate kids, I like them too. Can you imagine me a Nanny? It's funny. I don't seem like the type but I really need another job so I can go back to school.
Anti-Valentine's Day party - Saturday night - bring whatever you like drinking. I am out to have a good time and to forget recent things that are bothering me. Plus I think I'll buy some candy. Heart shaped candies. hehe. I crack myself up. |
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| Anti-Fuckin-Valentine's Day has Returned... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|04:43 pm] |
So, Anti-Valentine's Day Party time Saturday Feb 12, evening, my home/pool room/basement. Bring candy, bring some liquor, bring some beers. I will have a new Anti-Valentine's Day Shirt (the other one is 3 years old and worn out as hell) Feel free to sign the shirt with dirty/mean comments about my personal preferences in life, or to just support my enjoyment of Anti-Valentine's day. I will be broke for this event, but I can almost guarantee I am getting faded. Good times. Good friends.
I just got hella cold all of a sudden. |
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| I am hella pissed off |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
So, for assholes to answer the phone you have to be sneaky like a sixth grade girl and block your phone number so they don't know who you are.
I just returned from an adventure to Starbucks that turned into me driving around down by Downriver Golf Course, then driving out past the Falls, then going past the cemetaries and then down Sunset Blvd. and coming back up Ash/Maple whatever street goes north and now I am home and the boys are watching television upstairs and I can't concentrate on anything because Davey is here and that also annoys me and they all aren't very nice to me sometimes. I can't be calm and I don't like it very much.
I really like going on drives by myself. This was a really short one and only took like half an hour at the most. Sometimes when I get bored/angry/am feeling contained I go on drives. I wish that I could get a better car to go for drives in. Or borrow Bailey's car and go on drives. I am feeling silly right now. Frustrated. Silly. Annoyed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|01:15 am] |
So kind of against my better judgment but because I had cash and nothing else important to do I finally went to a show by myself last night. I went to Fat tuesdays and saw coretta scott. it was a good show and I like the venue a lot, its a really big improvement from the other fat tuesdays. lotsa space and neat dark decor, not that that shit has any affect on music i just noticed cause I haven't been out in a while. I saw James Fanara and that was cool because he's a good guy and I miss not seeing him in school. I always see him in random places. Like wandering around on wellesley and then we pick him up and he comes and chills with us.
The shitty deal about the show was that I sort of ran into phil, keir and justin. I honestly had no idea that I would see them, but I think that's where my nervousness about going out came from. They are all bastards and I am pretty much cutting them off as friends because Phil, who hasn't spoken to me since Halloween noticed me and started waving at me like I cared. at first i didn't know it was him because he has longer hippie like hair since I last saw him. I just smiled at him and gave him the finger. All those boys who used to be my friends decided that I was no longer good enough to hang out with them and so they quit answering my calls and started talking shit. I'm not over it, but I can deal with it. So after the show I came home, forgot to eat dinner and had a couple smirnoff apple thingees and a sparks and went to bed.
tomorrow's my day off and I think I might chill with Phil O the Pansy later on and then go get a free dinner salad from Bay at McD's. fun plans. |
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| ya who what? |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|11:00 am] |
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Last night I got tricked into going to a show at the Big Easy. Debbie told me and Phil is was going to be good. It was free b/c she had tickets, so we didn't think anything of it. Turned out to be not so good. I think the only ok band was her friends band. It was all christian low grade punk rock. Phil and I spent some time bumming smokes from kids and making fun of people, but around 9 we decided to leave so we left Debbie w/ her friends and went back to Phils and had a few beers. They were much needed after suffering along at the show. I think that Debbie thought I was just having a horrible time, which I wasn't, I just wasn't really into it. I think I quit going to shows because it quit being fun for me. When Clarity left and I had no one to hate on people with me, an element of fun was lost. Maybe I will have to find a real show to go to soon. |
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| EDIT: COPY: PASTE ANSWERS HERE ------------------> |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|09:21 pm] |
The Rock City Grill has good food. Bailey and Corissa and I went there instead of the Olive Garden today because Corissa said she is "afraid" of the Olive Garden. Don't ask me how anyone can be afraid of it, but she is. I ordered a salad and a pizza. The pizza had tomatoes and basil and mozzerella cheese on it and it was really good even though there was no sauce.
I think that Bailey and I are going to plan a visit to Montana soon. Maybe in a month or two? She wants to see everyone and so do I. I already took some time off at the end of March to perhaps go to Seattle to visit Clarity and see a show or something. Probably just end up visiting and getting wasted because that seems to be what happens every time I've been in Seattle. Either getting drunk or falling down a muddy hill. They both are entertaining activities. I also want to go to Canada. Phil thinks we should all just go up and get a couple hotel rooms and adventure. All these adventures are going to have to wait until I have about $400 in backup money. Maybe I won't go in a couple of months. I think the cheapest trip would be the one to Seattle. Either bus ticket or gas money, show money, a couple fifths and I am good... oh yeah and food. That too.
Bay is at Eric's watching the Village. She came to visit me at the library, it was the highlight of my evening. I rented Y tu mama tambien from my work so maybe I will watch that if nothing is on tv. Or do my taxes. Or maybe draw for Phil. Or write my mom's birthday card. Or write to the girlies. Or just sleep. Tomorrow's my day off. No plans. |
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| autographs and apologies |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|03:23 pm] |
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I got out of bed at 2.18pm. That is fricking ridiculous, but at least I feel rested. Still sick, but the headache is gone. I am gonna go eat some soup I think. Clean up my room perhaps. Make plans for the future. Do something exciting today, like go to work. |
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